meh... it is the word that defines my current mood. The space between hope and vigilance, the reality that I don't get to take a day off, even though I do. It is being out of sync with my body and the routines I need to thrive. It is the settling in of a desperate need to endure and utterly depend on God. It is Ground Hog's Day, the season of hibernation awakening, and like the song... "It's been a long, cold lonely winter" but it hasn't been lonely, just long... and I am along for the ride.

In this season, I skied with my cousins [amazing, really amazing], I had my appendix aborted [not so amazing], and I celebrated with the Irish, again with my cousins and friends [very amazing and fun]. I had many great days and some meh days. There is a poem from a Mac ad in the 80s that says “And there will be bad days. There will be times when you want to turn around, pack it up, and call it quits. Those times tell you that you are pushing yourself, that you are not afraid to learn by trying. Persist.” And I do persist, I get knocked down and I get up again, I take another cold shower, drink another smoothie, and get lost in the task at hand, letting the distractions seep in, avoiding the hard work and diligence that has made me stronger, that has made this disease tuck its tail and turn on its heel.

Here I am hoping upon hope to find the motivation to step back into the ring, to fuel my imagination to hope, and to say “Here comes the sun, And I say, It's all right” Yes to languish is all right for a moment, to name the emotions along the way is good but to create a space for me, to heal... is joy! So with one foot in front of the other, I pray for May flowers, and April showers to wash away the mehs. And, Spring forth hopes, and faith and renewed diligence... that is my prayer.

Ann Voskamp wrote, “It’s a poverty of imagination that bankrupts hope.” So let’s imagine no more mehs, let‘s imagine truly that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, and above all, you could ever ask, imagine, or think, according to His power at work in you. To Him be the glory.

Peace be with you, Victoria